Blending a family

Blending families can seem like an impossible task, but with the help of a skilled counselor in Flower Mound, or Southlake, TX, it can be a rewarding venture that goes beyond any other feeling you have ever experienced. If you're a blending family and struggling, or maybe you will soon be a blended family, here are five tips to help you along the way.

Don’t try to replace their bio-parent

I know that those of you who are reading this blog are wonderful people, who want to be the best parent/step-parent you can be. You probably already are! Being a step-parent can be tricky. Keep in mind that you aren’t there to replace their parent. You are there to add on. Your step-children will learn to love you in a new and different way. Don’t expect them, or try to make them, love you more than their parent. That’s an impossible task.

Don’t put down the other parent

Just as I said you can’t replace them, also don’t talk badly about the other parent. I know divorces aren’t usually amicable, and they are often messy, but children love both their parents. As a step-mother, don’t talk badly about their bio-mom, same for step-dads. Children don’t forget this, and often feel torn. Just like you won’t replace them, don’t make them start to resent you. If bio-mom or bio-dad is talking bad about you, be the bigger person and don’t do it back. I know it’s hard to fight that urge, but in the long run, the children will remember this, and will be better adjusted because of it. They will learn good behaviors from you.

Be a team

I cannot stress this enough: coparenting is crucial when it comes to disciplining children in blended families. As disciplining inevitably becomes a part of coparenting, it's essential to have a plan in place. Ideally, the parent or non-step-parent should handle discipline, but this may not always be possible. It's important to discuss and agree on discipline methods ahead of time, so you're not caught off guard. It's also crucial to avoid undermining each other when disciplining. Stick together as a team, and support the other parent's decisions even if you disagree. Sometimes, you and your partner may have different approaches to discipline, which is okay. However, try to get on the same page so that the children don't feel like there are favorites. This will prevent them from playing sides and pitting you against each other. When you're a united team, your children will feel secure and loved.

Do things together as a blended family

Eat meals together, go do fun outings together, do homework together, do as much as you can together. This helps the family feel more blended, versus two separate families living together. This may feel awkward at first, because you may find that there aren’t many activities that every single person enjoys. That’s ok. You can have each member of the family pick something each week, and do it in rotation, so that it feels fair. While you are blending, and making this a family unit, also take time to spend with people one on one, so that that person still feels connected to you. Again, make sure you aren’t picking favorites, so if you have a special outing with your children, have a special outing with your step-children too.

Reach out for support outside the family

As you try all of these things, don't expect them to go smoothly right away. Blending families takes time and requires patience and persistence. Stick with it and don't give up, even when things get tough. It's important to remember that any kind of change is hard and transitioning into a blended family is no exception. During this process, it can be helpful to seek support from others who can provide a different perspective and unbiased guidance.

While your partner may be a great source of support, you may sometimes find it challenging to be fully open and honest with them due to various dynamics within the family. In such cases, it can be beneficial to find someone outside of the family who can be a reliable source of support. It is crucial, however, to ensure that the person you confide in is a good fit for your needs. Sometimes, we tend to vent to friends, but it's important to recognize that they may have their own biases. Friends naturally lean towards our wants and desires because of their personal connection to us.

Consider reaching out to a family counselor, joining a support group specifically for blended families, or becoming involved in a community organization such as a church group or mommy's day out program. These resources can provide you with a safe space to share your experiences, gain insights from others who have faced similar challenges, and receive professional guidance when needed. Remember, blending a family can feel lonely at times, but it doesn't have to be that way. By seeking external support, you can find a network of individuals who understand your situation and can offer valuable assistance along the journey.

According to Dictionary.com, the definition of a family is, “A group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.” Make note, it doesn’t say biological parents. DNA makes you relatives, not family.

Reach out to one of our therapists at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!