My child is a teenager!
What a “fun” time in a parent’s life! Parenting a teenager can feel like a roller coaster, and that’s putting it nicely. Some days you get along great, and it reminds you of good times. Literally, the very next minute you are experiencing a huge blow up in which your child says they hate you. Don’t worry, that’s completely normal! There are many reasons why teenagers are so unpredictable, including hormones, and rapid brain development (impulse control and emotional regulation aren’t quite fully developed yet). During the early teenage years, adolescent’s brains are experiencing a rapid growth spurt, which is pretty similar to the growth spurt that babies experience shortly after birth. So, long story short, the teenage years are one of the times that the brain is growing and developing the fastest. Teens literally can’t help themselves! Just because you have this knowledge doesn’t make parenting a teenager any easier. Here are three tips that might help you, but remember that seeking the help of a counselor near me can be a great way to navigate this challenging time in your life.
Independence……within reason
Their brain is literally being hardwired towards adulthood and independence. The wiring, or lack thereof, in their brain that makes them impulsive and take risks, is also the part of their brain that makes them try new things, like driving a car, moving out on their own, getting a job, etc. So, allow your teenager to spread their wings. Allow them to do more than you would have previously. It can be hard as a parent to trust your adolescent, especially since I just said they are risk takers, so trust your gut. Though you’re allowing your teenager to fly, don’t let them fly too far. After all, they are still a child.
Boundaries
You may have heard your adolescent say, “you treat me like a child!” Um…..you are! Your adolescent probably “feels” like an adult, and truly thinks you’re “cramping their style.” I know I may sound like I'm contradicting myself here. Don’t give your teenager too much independence. Though we want to trust our child completely and that they would never lie to us, sometimes they do! If you have a boundary of curfew at a certain time, family meals once a week, no friends in their bedrooms, etc., stick with it! Just because you’re giving them more independence, doesn’t mean that you have to change your boundaries/standards/expectations, because they disagree with them. Your teenager is still a minor, and living in your house. This might lead to more arguing and your teenager telling at you that they hate you, but remember, this is temporary. Research says that our brains fully develops by age 25. That includes emotional regulation!
Don’t expect perfection and give yourself some grace
Though your adolescent will be emerging into adulthood soon, they aren’t an adult yet. Their brain isn’t even fully developed when they turn 18! Give yourself some grace as a parent if things aren’t going perfect. Trying your best is all you can do. Sometimes doing our best doesn’t result in everything going right, and that’s ok. Also cut your teenager a break too. Again, trust your gut, set boundaries, and keep your role as parent, but as your teenager is developing they are going to mess up too. Be fair, and empathetic, when they aren’t perfect. Carl W. Buehner said, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” I think this directly applies to raising a hormonal teenager. Once your teenager gets more perspective, they won’t remember every punishment or argument that you had with them, but they will remember that you loved them and that you were doing the best you could too. Reach out to one of our therapists at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!
