Becoming a new parent
Becoming a new parent
Becoming a new parent is hard. I know I’ve been talking a lot about change. It seems that a lot of the things that we struggle with have to do with change. Whether it be good, expected change, or hard, unexpected change. Change is change, and it’s scary. Becoming a new parent, though it’s a wonderful and exciting time, is hard! No perfect parents exist, and it's important to remember that. So, here’s some things to remember when becoming a new parent, or maybe a parent for the second, third, or even the fourth time!
Don’t Try To Be A Superhero
Ask for help! Ask for help! Ask for help! If I could, I would write that about 100 more times. Ask. For. Help. We live in a fast-paced world now. Long gone are the days when the man went to work (and they were super supportive and treated him like part of the family) and the woman stayed at home and raised the child. Nowdays most people have both parents working in the household. This means don’t try to take it all on on your own. If you have a cape hiding somewhere in your house, which most of us don’t, then by all means try to be a superhero. But remember, THIS IS HARD! Don’t be tricked by all the moms and dads on social media. You only see the best part of their day.
Be A Team
Become a team with your partner, whatever that looks like for the two of you. Maybe you pull more diaper duty, or maybe you handle the 2 am feedings on the weekends. Again, do what works for you and your partner. However, make sure that you guys do discuss these roles. A lot of anger and resentment can start to build up when you don’t discuss these things and you feel your partner isn’t holding up their end of the bargain. Our family of origin (parents, siblings, etc.) whether consciously or not, play a big role in our own expectations of what a family is. There was an adjustment period when you merged households, as you were finding out your roles, this is another adjustment period. If your expectation is that the mom always handles feedings, because that’s what your mom did, whereas your partner feels otherwise, this can lead to pent up anger and bitterness. As a team, discuss these things in a healthy manner. You might be surprised what you learn (hopefully all good things)!
Lean On Your Support
I know I keep saying this, but becoming a parent is hard! ASK. FOR. HELP.! Again, last I checked I haven’t seen any real life superheroes. Lean on your support, whatever that may look like. Join a new parents group at your church, school, online, etc. Ask your parents/in-laws if they wouldn’t mind babysitting so you can get a break. Order delivery, so that you aren’t trying to cram in that perfect organic dinner every night. When someone asks, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help?” LET THEM help you! We think of this as a pleasantry that people say just to be nice, but I guarantee if you were to say to some of them, “Hey I’m exhausted and really struggling, would you mind helping with X, Y, Z.” I think you may find that your true friends would be more than willing to help you. That’s what friends and family are for right! You help them when they need it, and they do the same.
So, if you're feeling overwhelmed and struggling to manage the challenges of parenthood, it's important to seek help and support. Consider counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX at Pineapple Counseling to work through any issues and gain tools to strengthen your relationship with your partner. Remember, unless you have a superhero cape (and if you do, it’s time to bust it out), don’t try to do it all alone. Lean on your support, and remember that you and your partner are a team. Remember the saying, “It takes a village to raise a family”? It is so so true. Don’t try to be the village all on your own.
