Fighting Fair

With the holiday season just behind us, the idea of conflict, within families, came to mind. Conflict is inevitable, but how we experience that conflict can often leave us feeling damaged. However, conflict can be healthy and an effective experience, if we fight fair. If you're struggling with conflict resolution, seeking the help of a Flower Mound therapist or Southlake therapist can be beneficial in learning healthy ways to manage and resolve conflicts.

There are three types of arguments: lose/lose, win/lose, and win/win. Often times we get stuck in the cycle of wanting to “win” the argument, and making the other person “lose”. Have we really won? The best resolution is one in which both parties walk away feeling heard, understood, and appreciated, win/win!

Here are 10 tips for fighting fair.

1. Address one issue at a time, and be specific about the problem.

AVOID - Bringing up every irritation at once, and being vague.

2. Ask for and give feedback about what you hear the other saying.

AVOID – Miscommunication.

3. Think through what you’re going to say in advance.

AVOID - Impulsive lashing out.

4. Don’t make assumptions about what your partner is thinking, feeling, or intending.

AVOID - Mindreading.

5. Don’t hit below the belt.

AVOID - Hitting where it hurts.

6. Describe the unacceptable behavior objectively.

AVOID - Name calling or labeling.

7. Own your feelings and decisions.

AVOID – Blaming.

8. Look for an answer together.

AVOID - A win/lose ending.

9. Call a time-out if things get too heated.

AVOID - Pushing the other too far.

10. Use “I feel” statements.

AVOID - Stuffing of feelings.

Remember that conflict is inescapable, but we don’t have to walk away broken and bruised.

Reach out to one of our therapists at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!