Balance in a relationship
We’ve all heard the saying, “A relationship should be 50/50.” I don’t know how true or realistic that actually is. Sure, that’s an ideal to work towards, but a good healthy relationship doesn’t function like this all the time, and that’s ok. In fact, I think an ideal relationship should be 100/100, but again, perfection isn’t possible, and that may be left for another blog. What is important, is to discuss balance in a relationship. If you’re like me, there’s been times when your relationship has felt out of whack. I’ll discuss it in more depth below, but as you’re trying to figure things out, remember that it’s ok to give more sometimes, and think about what your role is in the relationship.
It’s ok to give more than your partner
Sometimes we start to freak out when/if we are giving more than our partner. Maybe the relationship is 60/40, or even 70/30. That’s ok. Relationships ebb and flow. There’s no need for alarm if you are giving more right now, especially, if your partner just suffered a loss, changed jobs, or is experiencing any other life stressor. Cut your partner some slack and pick up where they can’t give right now. Healthy communication is key, so if you notice that you are definitely giving more, all the time, and it has been this way for years, it might be time to have a conversation about balance. Again, it’s ok to give more than your partner, just make sure you aren’t always giving more than your partner.
Find your roles
So, what does balance look like? That’s a really good question. Such a good question, that I don’t know if I can fully answer that. Every relationship is different. Therefore, it’s important to identify what your roles are within that relationship. We all have our family in which we grew up in (family of origin). And consciously or not, we get a lot of our ideas about what a family or relationship should be, based off of our family of origin. Guess what, so does your partner. And 99% of the time you aren’t going to agree 100% on what that should look like. So, have an open dialogue about what you feel your role should be, and negotiate. This means negotiating who makes dinner, who changes diapers, who takes the cars to get washed, grocery shops, etc. Literally, everything that we do in our relationship serves a purpose, and can be negotiated. Find a role that works for both you and your relationship, and it’ll be easier to create a balance. Just make sure that your role doesn’t end up being that you do everything. Then it’s not a role, then it’s overcompensating, and it’s really unbalanced.
Remember, relationships have their natural highs and lows, and that's completely normal. There will be periods when things aren't ideal, and that's okay. If you're finding communication with your partner challenging, it may be beneficial to consider couples counseling. A Flower Mound TX or Southlake, TX counselor can provide the necessary guidance and support. Regularly discussing your feelings with your partner and adjusting or negotiating when necessary can greatly improve your relationship's balance. It's healthier to maintain an open dialogue rather than suppressing your feelings, which will ultimately enhance the harmony in your relationship. Reach out to a counselor at Pineapple Counseling in Flower Mound, TX or Southlake, TX today!
